Hi, Emi! I loved your review of "We Were Once a Family." I had no idea that only 30% of children in foster care are placed with family members - I would have thought it was much higher! I learned a lot about the foster care system from your book, and I think this is my sign that I need to pick up Roxanna Asgarian's to continue my self-education journey. And as a side note, I just wanted to thank you personally for your memoir. My wife recommended that I read it after she deeply related to many aspects of your story, and it gave us shared language and touch points to unpack some of her childhood that was previously too difficult for her to share with me.
Thank you so much MacKenzie for the kind words about Acceptance! If you haven't read "We Were Once a Family" - you are chosen in the giveaway! Email me at emi@eminietfeld.com with your address and I'll send it over. And if not let me know so I can pass it on!
I look forward to reading "We Were Once a Family." Like the other reviewer, #Ida.Santana, I am also pediatric trained (before fellowship) and it was always a challenge figuring out what constituted "neglect" only vs clear-cut "abuse." A couple decades ago, as a young physician in training, I had the idealism that I was able to determine this and the child would go on to have a "successful life." As I gained experience, real-world acumen, and practicality, I realized the folly behind all of that. Reflecting on some of these experiences - six or seven 20-something residents debating whether to call CPS because a kiddo was back in the hospital because their mother wasn't giving them their medicine the way we well-educated, soap-box living "adults" wanted them to without really knowing what the long term consequences to the child would be - is very sobering now, and I wish I had resources like Ms. Asgarian's book (and Acceptance) back then.
Thank you so much - doctors trying to determine abuse vs. neglect is an angle of the problem I hadn't considered before. That must be agonizing. If I write a story on this someday, would you be willing to talk to me?
If you haven't read "We Were Once a Family" - you are chosen in the giveaway! Email me at emi@eminietfeld.com with your address and I'll send it over. And if not let me know so I can pass it on!
"Stories about injustice don’t simply function to bring awareness to outsiders—they help people who have been impacted make sense of their own experience." You serve as more than just an advocate, you're a seeing eyed dog into the system that you somehow survived, but lived to describe and unravel. Your review explains why this is such an important book and you've built a lot of credibility on the subject of foster care and adoption, so people will listen. Please continue to be the voice of kids who have lived this abusive nightmare and know that because you are, some that might not have your internal resources will have a shot at a good life. And lord knows, they deserve it!
Hi Emi, Super proud of Roxanna Asgarian’s book. I appreciate that Roxanna is opening the lens on the foster care children to include what happens with Black and Brown families. And I appreciate you amplifying this story. I think back on my Pediatric residency days, back in 2002 I had to travel from St Vincent’s hospital in NYC to Westchester NY to their Level 1 Trauma center for Peds ICU training. We’d round on patients who’s been there for many days and one was a few month old baby girl who was Black. She had shaken baby syndrome. Her mother had used cocaine, so they took her away from her mother and put her in foster care, and the foster care parent had shaken her so severely she gave her permanent brain damage and she was developmentally and neurologically devastated. She would never recover. And this white male attending said offhandedly- it was socially unethical to take children away from Black families and put them in foster care because the child’s chances of being abused are significantly higher once their in foster care. I think of that baby girl often. It’s been 21 years. And I think of her mother who was treated so badly by a racist system that punishes Black and Brown people. Thank you for talking about this. Sending love to that girl’s family and all the families that have been broken by a system that is so deeply biased and flawed. With tears, Ida Santana MD
"What kind of awareness is being raised?" That's the key question, in all things. Thank you, Emi, for writing such a terrific article and recommendation of Roxanna Asgarian's We Were Once a Family. I can't wait to read her book and get behind the hype of the Hart murder-suicide. I also look forward to deepening my understanding of the entrenched antagonism and callousness toward children in this country, especially Black and brown children. Thank you, Emi, for being such a sharp voice for sanity and compassion, as well as an advocate for all children.
This was an excellent review. Keep grinding that axe! For all those outside the foster care system I think we just have no idea what goes on. And from reading this review and your memoir, one observation is that far too many uncaring adults have way too much power over kids who just need love and who deserve to be listened to and encouraged. Breaks my heart.
Hi Emi I read your article for the nation. Very well done and you’re so right the system is broken and as usual it’s about the money. We need more people like you to bring attention to the problem.. thanks and keep the newsletter coming.
Hi, Emi! I loved your review of "We Were Once a Family." I had no idea that only 30% of children in foster care are placed with family members - I would have thought it was much higher! I learned a lot about the foster care system from your book, and I think this is my sign that I need to pick up Roxanna Asgarian's to continue my self-education journey. And as a side note, I just wanted to thank you personally for your memoir. My wife recommended that I read it after she deeply related to many aspects of your story, and it gave us shared language and touch points to unpack some of her childhood that was previously too difficult for her to share with me.
Thank you so much MacKenzie for the kind words about Acceptance! If you haven't read "We Were Once a Family" - you are chosen in the giveaway! Email me at emi@eminietfeld.com with your address and I'll send it over. And if not let me know so I can pass it on!
Wow, thank you! I haven't read it yet. Emailing you now!
Excellent review--definitely made me want to read the book and made me wonder once again, why is it that humans continue to de-evolve?
Thank you so much Kathleen!! I'm sorry it would be a COI to give you the free copy but it is worth every penny!!
I look forward to reading "We Were Once a Family." Like the other reviewer, #Ida.Santana, I am also pediatric trained (before fellowship) and it was always a challenge figuring out what constituted "neglect" only vs clear-cut "abuse." A couple decades ago, as a young physician in training, I had the idealism that I was able to determine this and the child would go on to have a "successful life." As I gained experience, real-world acumen, and practicality, I realized the folly behind all of that. Reflecting on some of these experiences - six or seven 20-something residents debating whether to call CPS because a kiddo was back in the hospital because their mother wasn't giving them their medicine the way we well-educated, soap-box living "adults" wanted them to without really knowing what the long term consequences to the child would be - is very sobering now, and I wish I had resources like Ms. Asgarian's book (and Acceptance) back then.
Thank you so much - doctors trying to determine abuse vs. neglect is an angle of the problem I hadn't considered before. That must be agonizing. If I write a story on this someday, would you be willing to talk to me?
If you haven't read "We Were Once a Family" - you are chosen in the giveaway! Email me at emi@eminietfeld.com with your address and I'll send it over. And if not let me know so I can pass it on!
"Stories about injustice don’t simply function to bring awareness to outsiders—they help people who have been impacted make sense of their own experience." You serve as more than just an advocate, you're a seeing eyed dog into the system that you somehow survived, but lived to describe and unravel. Your review explains why this is such an important book and you've built a lot of credibility on the subject of foster care and adoption, so people will listen. Please continue to be the voice of kids who have lived this abusive nightmare and know that because you are, some that might not have your internal resources will have a shot at a good life. And lord knows, they deserve it!
Thank you so much, Bob!! that honestly means so much!
Hi Emi, Super proud of Roxanna Asgarian’s book. I appreciate that Roxanna is opening the lens on the foster care children to include what happens with Black and Brown families. And I appreciate you amplifying this story. I think back on my Pediatric residency days, back in 2002 I had to travel from St Vincent’s hospital in NYC to Westchester NY to their Level 1 Trauma center for Peds ICU training. We’d round on patients who’s been there for many days and one was a few month old baby girl who was Black. She had shaken baby syndrome. Her mother had used cocaine, so they took her away from her mother and put her in foster care, and the foster care parent had shaken her so severely she gave her permanent brain damage and she was developmentally and neurologically devastated. She would never recover. And this white male attending said offhandedly- it was socially unethical to take children away from Black families and put them in foster care because the child’s chances of being abused are significantly higher once their in foster care. I think of that baby girl often. It’s been 21 years. And I think of her mother who was treated so badly by a racist system that punishes Black and Brown people. Thank you for talking about this. Sending love to that girl’s family and all the families that have been broken by a system that is so deeply biased and flawed. With tears, Ida Santana MD
Oh no, that's such a horrible story. Sending love to that family and all the others. Thank you for being a great advocate, Ida! <3
"What kind of awareness is being raised?" That's the key question, in all things. Thank you, Emi, for writing such a terrific article and recommendation of Roxanna Asgarian's We Were Once a Family. I can't wait to read her book and get behind the hype of the Hart murder-suicide. I also look forward to deepening my understanding of the entrenched antagonism and callousness toward children in this country, especially Black and brown children. Thank you, Emi, for being such a sharp voice for sanity and compassion, as well as an advocate for all children.
Thank you so much, Kelly! Let me know what you think when you read.
This was an excellent review. Keep grinding that axe! For all those outside the foster care system I think we just have no idea what goes on. And from reading this review and your memoir, one observation is that far too many uncaring adults have way too much power over kids who just need love and who deserve to be listened to and encouraged. Breaks my heart.
Yes, I'd agree with that assessment - thank you so much for reading
Hi Emi I read your article for the nation. Very well done and you’re so right the system is broken and as usual it’s about the money. We need more people like you to bring attention to the problem.. thanks and keep the newsletter coming.
Thank you so much!! that is just the motivation I need to schedule it for tomorrow!