Night Canoe, 10 Ways to Block the Internet, and Mental Health at Google
I just got back from my first writing residency: one month in the woods at Blue Mountain Center. (Literally the best thing about being an artist.) I’m still adjusting to not having a private chef…
One year to the day of my book coming out (August 2nd, 2021), I’d just sent a huge revision to my editor, and given my first book talk, and was wired. So another resident and I went canoeing.
It was a gorgeous night, the stars finally coming out at 9 p.m., the chill perfect in my thin sweater. My boatmate and I got to the edge of Eagle Lake, where a channel connects it to Lake Utowana. It was so nice out, we didn’t want to stop, so we kept going. In the next lake, we looked up at the sky. It was so dark out that I could see a patch of light beyond the stars. My boatmate said it was the Milky Way. I couldn’t believe that you can see the galaxy. Is that even real? My parents' conspiracy theories are still so strong that I need more proof. Our boat drifted in circles for half an hour while I gawked at the sky.
When we were ready to go home, we were totally, utterly lost. We went down one channel, then another, until I learned the literal meaning of being “in the weeds.” I kept saying positive things like, “That looks like the right path!” and “I bet we’re really close!” Then fog set in and my boatmate’s flashlight wasn’t any help.
I did not bring a flashlight, which says all you need to know about me. But in fact, this experience was utterly typical. Yet I always swear things will be different. Every time I undertake a project, I think: THIS time I will be organized. THIS time I will finish before the deadline. THIS TIME it will be easy, not messy, I will not write many things I’ll throw away, it will not break me, I will not cry.
Every project starts this way, but then it’s like a game of chess where, at each point, I can only make 1 or 2 moves. They might be backwards, forwards, but my ear is against the wall, listening for inspiration. Those moves might take me all around the board, when in hindsight it seems like a straight line. So we went down one channel, then another, until I learned the literal meaning of “in the weeds.”
Finally, we paddled out to the middle of the lake, waiting for someone to come save us. It looked like we’d be sleeping in the boat. Then my boatmate recognized a landmark, we paddled to shore, and walked back.
Ungrateful fool that I am, was disappointed we were back so late and so exhausted. Why couldn’t we have seen the shore before? Why did we go down this mystery channel in the first place? Why didn’t I write a better second draft so that I wouldn’t be on draft thirty-three, my editor putting stuff back in that I cut out three years ago?
But after some water and sleep, I felt grateful to be back, no matter what way I came. It’s such a beautiful and tenuous thing to be able to create anything at all—new life, new books, new technologies. It’s too much to ask to also have it my way.
“Focus is not the absence of distraction, but the triumph of internet blockers.”
My favorite part of my residency was the nonexistent cell service and limited internet. There were two ethernet jacks and a phone booth (which every home should have). Now, I’ve doubled down on my internet-blocking. How do I get anything done? Well… here’s a list of everything I use.
Paper journal to write down each day’s agenda, to-dos, etc.
Flow timer. Mostly this trains me to hold my pee.
Freedom internet blocker. This allows me to set a daily schedule, usually 9:07 p.m. to 10 a.m. when the internet is off, and then set ad hoc sessions when I’m focusing. Freedom blocks across devices (including mobile!) and has allow-listing, so I can still access Google Docs in online mode.
Self Control. This one totally nukes the internet and is impossible to disable. If it weren’t for this product, I wouldn’t be composing this newsletter!
Blocksite. This Chrome extension does exactly what it says. I block any sites that are distracting when I need to use the internet.
News Feed Eradicator. If I do go on Facebook (for Marketplace or Groups) or on Twitter (God help me), this makes sure I never see my classmates in Forbes 30 under 30, raising their successful babies, or the dismal state of the world.
Byron configured the internet to turn off at night. Don’t ask me how because I’d hack it.
At night, I have Byron hide all of my devices so that I don’t spend between 2-5 a.m. convincing myself a white sofa is a good life choice.
I keep my phone turned off whenever I’m not actively using it. Whenever possible, I give my phone to Byron.
When I do need my phone, I:
Block push notifications for anything besides texts
Use Android’s “distraction-free” mode to set up another barrier between Twitter, Instagram, and email
Set screen to grayscale. (I stole this from Lorde.)
Do I really need all of this? YES. Yesterday, I had to use my old laptop and now I can tell you all about the Wayfair Custom Upholstery Program, Big Figs (“The Mattress for Bigger Figures”), and all about how many families with six children and a white couch “wouldn’t have it any other way.” (Ha!)
Getting distracted is nothing to be ashamed about. As a former Facebook employee (by the way, I quit!) I can testify that some of the world’s smartest people are engineering new ways to sabotage your life. Resist!
(And please share with anyone who might need this.)
Speaking of big evil tech companies
I was a source for this New York Times article about Google recommending counseling when employees reported mistreatment and, wow, the results are shocking and damning. TL;DR: don’t trust employee assistance programs.
Recommendations
Beautiful Country by Qian Julie Wang. My most anticipated book of 2021 is finally out! This memoir of being an undocument childhood in NYC is both profound and witty, infused with pop culture and poop jokes. 10/10.
Fake Tequila. Millenials are drinking less than any other generation and, ya’ll, I found the holy grail of knock-off alcohols! Ritual is spicy and tangy and is perfect for “Palomas”: 1 lime, 2 oz. “tequila”, and top up with Fresca. Exactly what I’d be drinking if I still lived in the midwest!
No Man Knows My History by Fawn M. Brodie. A biography of the Mormon prophet, Joseph Smith. I can’t say enough great things about this book. Written in 1945, it still feels fresh and modern. I learned an incredible amount about early 1800s America (when the “West” was literally upstate New York.) The author balances skepticism about the veracity of the Book of Mormon with respect for its formidable author. If I ever leave New York, I’m moving to Salt Lake City.
If you read this far, you are my hero! From now on, I’m going to be sending this newsletter every month. Please let me know if you have ideas for a better name, or any questions about productivity, mental health, or the nature of ~~success~~ that I can address in upcoming editions. Next time, I’ll have some exciting personal news to share… and hopefully a cover reveal!
xx,
Emi